a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
