I showed him my bush... on skype.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
