Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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