My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
