hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's the barista slut.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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