i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
