im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
