I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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