OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
