Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
