is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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