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I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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