even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
where am i from again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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