I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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