The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
