butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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