operation harelip BJ is a go
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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