I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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