Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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