I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
