Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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