It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
