Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
