So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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