Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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