Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize