I just made out with a guy for $7.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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