It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
