oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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