Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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