And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
