Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Randomize
