Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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