We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
