You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
