Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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