HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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