I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
