Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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