Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
