kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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