just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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