Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
