Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
