ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
