I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
