so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
