I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
