My girlfriend figured out who you are.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
