I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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