she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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