i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
