You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
