fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
what day is it and did you see me today?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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