Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You left your phone here
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