I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
