Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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