i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
