I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
