I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
