I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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