wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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