I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
